Late Night Musings!
I got some time after a really really hectic week. I seriously wanted to unwind a bit to shrug off those tough and persistent deadlines sitting on my shoulders, well atleast for a brief period of time. I came home after sitting in my office for a couple of hours today. My brain was desperately pleading for a break. My roomies were tired with their chores of the day. So didn't feel like disturbing them. The only thing that I enjoy doing alone is driving. I pulled out my car from the garage and with a few nice CDs, I set off on, what I call, "The Destination - Unknown". The freeways in the US are a driver's paradise, may be not as great when compared to the Auto Bahn but they are certainly comparable.
I took the I - 94 E, and set off my mental clock to 8:00 PM for returning back home. It gave me a solid 4 hrs to enjoy the setting sun. I felt like my card was on auto-pilot. My sub-concious mind was driving and my concious mind was pondering over all the good and bad that had happened over the week, mostly all official crap. I was pissed off but had to admit the fact that my mind was involuntarily drifting to my official side though I tend very hard to give myself peace from those things.
I guess, my problem is being too much competitive. I dont want to lose on anything in my career, though I know, what I do is not of my actual interest. I have been raised in such a way. I lost my university gold medal by a 0.1 CGPA and that sucks me to date. So, problems like meeting the deadline, convincing my client and above all proving my manager what Im worth, makes my life miserable. Though, I try my level best not to mess my personal life with my career, they seem to tangle one way or the other. For the past 3 or 4 weekends, I have been working for more than 20 hours :(. This thought itself is nauseating!
One good thing is, I dont come home and work as most of my collegues do. I have atleast something that I could boast of. I have to convince myself that personal life is as important or more important that career. God only knows when that day of awakening would come in me!
